just for me

my creator is in love with me 

and i am falling in love with him

in all my pursuits, in all my longings

he was the tug tugging at my heart

i didn’t know

in every eye, in every heart, i peered

without a clue, key, lock, door

like a mad woman i searched

a missing piece to complete a body that was whole

whispers swirled my heart, a gaze warmed my presence

but i was blind to things i couldn’t see

storms cleared my sight and i saw without eyes 

amidst every chaos, an arm lovingly held me

a body engulfed me, saving me from myself

saving me from this world

why, an invisible hand moves mountains

and winds, just for me

if not for love

My Price-tag Won’t Stick

Why I wrote this:

First of all, I am not talking about finding a man or a man finding you. A man is not your worth. That belief is exactly our problem. We got this ancient belief system programmed and running in our subconscious that if a man accepts us and marries us then we are worthy. Otherwise we are a piece of crap. I don’t agree with this belief. I don’t think I am crap with or without a man next to me. Men don’t validate a woman’s worth and vice versa.

For me, no one validates my worth. Not my family, nor my friends. I’ve seen everything come and go, and I have existed regardless. In fact, I think if you seriously go looking for your worth, like I did, you will also come to the conclusion that you cannot be valued. Your job title, your income, your hair, your looks, your reputation, your ability to procreate, etc., nothing can value or devalue you. And maybe the value we truly create is beyond these variables. 

When I went exploring into this, many many years ago, at first I looked at myself through the eyes of others. And yes, through others’ eyes, all the above factors could have helped put a price tag on me, but I decided to dig further. Because, even if the tag on me read “$0,” I would still be alive. For some reason, LIFE was still finding me valuable enough to keep me alive.

This is something I have been trying and testing out for years now and it has remained true. I did not think I could have survived this long, but I noticed that life keeps on making sure I do. It or something out there wants to keep me alive. It wants to keep you alive. It is keeping us alive until it says, “Meh! I think I’m done with this one.” I’ve spoken the truth when I arrived late to a job interview and still got the job. I have not competed with anyone for work in the last 7 years yet always got exactly what I was meant to get…exactly what I needed. I have not argued or defended myself to people. Yet, I found that whenever I was coming from love, things would shift in my favour on their own. I’ve faced some major fears and something keeps on coming along and watching my back. For all the people who are gonna take this out of context…I am not talking about walking in front of an oncoming bus and expecting it to not hit me. Will I survive? Who knows? All I know is that we never do walk alone. Especially when we choose honesty and trust life, especially then, the universe walks with us.

So, my conclusion was that this life that I am living, that you are living, that we are all living, is priceless. You can’t price something that’s priceless. It’s invaluable because it’s beyond value. Value is just a concept humans have created for bartering. It does not exist beyond that. While WE all DO exist beyond it.

hidden deep in our shadows are words…

hidden deep in our 
shadows are words
we don't want to
say these words
become the terror
our little ones
can't escape for
they are faced with
demons who will
rape their little
bodies but only
guilt will stay in
their faces for
crimes they didn't
commit and tears
they didn't vomit
for they were used
in a horrible play
by monsters they
could not slay
because of words we
did not say